Ask For It by Linda Babcock & Sara Laschever

Summary

'Ask For It' by Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever empowers women to claim their worth by mastering the art of negotiation. Drawing from research and real-life stories, the book dismantles societal barriers discouraging women from negotiating, both professionally and personally. It presents actionable strategies and step-by-step guidance to help readers negotiate confidently for higher salaries, better work conditions, and much more. The authors also address the psychological factors influencing negotiation behaviors. Ultimately, it’s a practical, transformative guide for anyone who wants to get more of what they deserve.

Life-Changing Lessons

1. Women systematically miss out on opportunities and resources simply because they don’t ask—actively negotiating is crucial to closing gender gaps.

2. Preparation, practice, and reframing negotiation as a collaborative, not adversarial, activity dramatically improve outcomes.

3. Negotiating isn’t just for the workplace; applying these skills in daily life—from buying a car to managing household responsibilities—yields real benefits.

Publishing year and rating

The book was published in: 2008

AI Rating (from 0 to 100): 92

Practical Examples

1. Negotiating a Raise

   The book shares a story of a woman who realized her male colleagues were earning more, prompting her to research market salary data, build her case, and successfully negotiate a higher salary. Preparation and data informed her request, while framing her argument in terms of value to the company helped achieve a positive result.

2. Practice Negotiating Small Things

   The authors suggest negotiating in low-stakes environments, like bargaining over a hotel room upgrade or returning purchases. This builds confidence and hones skills, making high-stakes negotiations less intimidating over time.

3. Reframing Negotiation as a Collaboration

   Instead of seeing negotiation as a battle, the book recommends approaching it as a problem-solving exercise where both parties can win. For example, when negotiating project roles, focusing on shared goals helps both sides get more of what they want.

4. Using Silence Effectively

   One practical technique described is to make your request and then stay silent, allowing the other person to respond. This leverages the discomfort many feel with silence and can prompt favorable concessions.

5. Prepping for a Big Ask

   The authors walk readers through scripting and practicing a major request with a friend or mentor, anticipating counterarguments. By preparing thoroughly, negotiators are better equipped to calmly handle objections and persist toward their goal.

6. Negotiating for Flexible Work Arrangements

   A woman in the book negotiated for remote work by researching company policy, identifying mutual benefits, and proposing a trial period. By showing how flexibility helped both her and the company, she secured a new agreement.

7. Setting Boundaries at Home

   The authors discuss negotiating the division of household labor, encouraging readers to clearly articulate needs and propose specific changes. Mutual problem solving and ongoing communication are key here.

8. Role Playing Difficult Conversations

   They advise rehearsing challenging negotiations with a friend, especially in scenarios involving complex emotions or hierarchy. This lowers anxiety and boosts effective delivery in the real situation.

9. Leveraging Alternatives

   The book introduces the concept of BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement) and shows readers how understanding their fallback options can strengthen their bargaining position.

10. Framing Requests in Terms of Shared Goals

    When asking for resources or support, the authors recommend highlighting how granting the request advances the organization’s or family’s interests—not just personal gain. This alignment makes it easier for others to say yes.