Conversational Intelligence by Judith E. Glaser

Summary

"Conversational Intelligence" by Judith E. Glaser explores the transformative potential of conversations and how they shape relationships, trust, and organizational cultures. Glaser blends neuroscience with practical strategies, revealing how everyday conversations can build or erode trust. Through easy-to-understand frameworks and real-life examples, she demonstrates how to shift conversations toward connection, collaboration, and innovation. The book is a practical guide for leaders and anyone seeking to enhance their communication skills for better relationships and results.

Life-Changing Lessons

1. Trust is the foundation of effective conversations; building trust opens the door for honest dialogue and collaboration.

2. We can change the outcomes of conversations by being aware of our intentions, asking deeper questions, and listening to connect, rather than judge.

3. Understanding the neuroscience behind conversations helps us manage fear and foster openness, leading to more productive and innovative interactions.

Publishing year and rating

The book was published in: 2016

AI Rating (from 0 to 100): 88

Practical Examples

1. The Ladder of Conclusions

   Glaser introduces the concept of the 'Ladder of Conclusions,' where people quickly jump to assumptions based on limited facts, leading to misunderstandings. She advises consciously stepping back, asking questions, and checking assumptions to uncover the truth beneath the surface of what is being said. By doing so, teams and individuals can prevent unnecessary conflicts and align more closely on objectives.

2. The TRUST Model

   Glaser's TRUST model offers a framework for building trust in conversations. It emphasizes being transparent, listening first, and understanding others' perspectives before asserting your own ideas. In practice, leaders who adopt the TRUST model foster a culture where employees feel safe to share, innovate, and challenge assumptions.

3. Level III Conversations

   The book distinguishes between three levels of conversation, with Level III focusing on 'co-creating' outcomes. An example given is a team meeting where all members are encouraged to contribute ideas freely, without fear of criticism or hierarchy. This leads to richer brainstorming sessions and solutions that leverage the collective intelligence of the group.

4. Double-Clicking in Conversations

   Glaser emphasizes 'double-clicking'—digging deeper into what people are really saying by asking open-ended questions. For example, if a team member expresses concern about a project, instead of dismissing it, a leader asks, 'Can you tell me more about what’s making you uneasy?' This practice uncovers hidden challenges and builds empathy.

5. Recognizing Conversational Blind Spots

   Through self-reflection exercises, Glaser helps readers identify their own conversational blind spots—patterns of communication that may alienate others. She provides worksheets to help people spot whether they dominate conversations or withdraw too early, and offers strategies to adjust and foster more inclusive exchanges.

6. Priming for Positive Conversations

   Glaser demonstrates how leaders can 'prime' conversations by the way they start them. By expressing appreciation or curiosity instead of beginning with critique, the conversational atmosphere shifts from defensive to open, leading to more productive dialogue.