Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant

Summary

'Option B' by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant is a powerful exploration of coping with adversity and building resilience after experiencing profound loss. Drawing from Sandberg’s personal experience with her husband’s sudden death, the book blends moving anecdotes, practical psychological insights, and research-based strategies. It provides guidance on supporting loved ones through hardship and finding joy amid suffering. The authors emphasize the capacity to recover and grow, offering hope and actionable steps for readers facing various challenges.

Life-Changing Lessons

1. Resilience can be cultivated, even in the wake of unimaginable tragedy, through deliberate personal actions and social support.

2. Acknowledging and expressing one's grief is essential to healing and doesn't diminish strength—mourning is part of resilience.

3. Helping others and allowing others to help you both strengthen emotional bonds and create avenues for growth in adversity.

Publishing year and rating

The book was published in: 2017

AI Rating (from 0 to 100): 88

Practical Examples

1. The Three P's: Personalization, Pervasiveness, and Permanence

   Adam Grant introduces the psychological concept of the 'three P's'—Personalization (believing events are one's fault), Pervasiveness (believing tragedy affects all areas of life), and Permanence (believing the aftermath will last forever). Sandberg learns to challenge these distorted beliefs to move forward and encourages readers to do the same for resilience.

2. The Platinum Rule of Support

   Instead of following the Golden Rule (treat others as you want to be treated), Sandberg recommends the Platinum Rule—treat others as they want to be treated. She offers examples of how different people need different types of support, and encourages asking 'How can I help?' to offer meaningful comfort.

3. Concrete Offers of Help

   Sandberg describes the difficulty of asking for help while grieving. She suggests practical support, like offering specific advice ('Can I bring dinner on Friday?'), rather than vague offers ('Let me know if you need anything'), which makes it easier for the person in pain to accept help.

4. Finding Joy Through Gratitude and Counting Small Wins

   Sandberg discusses how she began to notice and appreciate small moments of joy after her husband’s death, such as laughter with her children or a good meal. Practicing gratitude and seeking tiny successes helped her move from despair toward happiness, and she recommends intentional gratitude as a tool for recovery.

5. Building Resilience in Children

   The book includes the story of how Sandberg helped her children cope after losing their father, relying on expert advice and creating new rituals for hope and security. She emphasizes the importance of honest talk, maintaining routines, and empowering children to express their feelings.

6. Post-Traumatic Growth

   Sandberg and Grant discuss research on 'post-traumatic growth'—positive psychological change resulting from adversity. They share stories of people who found new meanings in life after loss, highlighting the possibility of growth beyond just returning to baseline.

7. A Supportive Workplace

   Sandberg narrates her experience of returning to work at Facebook and the ways colleagues supported her, such as providing space for grief and reduced expectations during the early weeks. She offers advice to leaders on fostering compassionate workplaces for employees facing personal hardships.

8. Journaling as a Tool for Healing

   After her loss, Sandberg began journaling daily, finding it a powerful outlet for processing grief and charting progress. She suggests that expressive writing can help individuals reflect, reduce rumination, and promote emotional recovery.

9. The Empty Chair

   Sandberg describes the pain of milestones and family rituals altered by her husband's absence, such as the 'empty chair' at the dinner table. She shares how acknowledging the absence, rather than avoiding it, helped her and her children to grieve openly and adapt.

10. Practicing Self-Compassion

    Throughout the book, Sandberg discusses the necessity of treating oneself with kindness in times of adversity. She encourages readers to forgive themselves for perceived failures or inability to 'move on,' reframing setbacks as normal steps in the recovery process.