Smoke Gets in Your Eyes by Caitlin Doughty

Summary

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes by Caitlin Doughty is a candid, insightful memoir about the author’s experiences working at a crematory. Through personal anecdotes and dark humor, Doughty confronts Western society’s fears about death and examines how our discomfort with mortality influences our culture. The book pushes for greater death acceptance and explores the complexities of grief, the funeral industry, and human psychology around dying.

Life-Changing Lessons

1. Facing death honestly demystifies and reduces anxiety about it, allowing us to live more fully.

2. Modern funeral practices often distance us from the realities of mortality, and reclaiming some hands-on involvement can be healing.

3. Talking openly about death with loved ones is vital for end-of-life wishes and for processing grief compassionately.

Publishing year and rating

The book was published in: 2014

AI Rating (from 0 to 100): 92

Practical Examples

1. First day at the crematory

   Caitlin describes her initial shock and clumsiness on her first day working at the crematory, providing an unflinching, sensory-rich look at the physical labor and emotional challenges of handling dead bodies. She details how this experience shattered her illusions about death and the funeral industry, pulling back the curtain for readers.

2. A family wants to witness a cremation

   Doughty recounts an instance where a family requested to be present during the cremation process, which was unusual in her crematory. She describes the discomfort among staff and her own journey from unease to understanding as she realized the value in allowing families to be close to their loved ones at every stage.

3. Caring for unclaimed bodies

   The book describes how some deceased individuals are never claimed, and Caitlin shares the emotionally taxing task of handling these remains. She offers insights into societal neglect and the loneliness some people face, even in death, which prompts reflection on compassion and dignity for all lives.

4. Embalming and open caskets

   Doughty critiques the practice of embalming and the strive for 'normalcy' in open-casket funerals. She breaks down the invasive procedures undertaken and questions whether such methods truly serve the needs of the living or the dead, encouraging readers to reconsider industry norms.

5. Conversations about death with her family

   Caitlin shares how the candidness of her work led to more open conversations with her own family about death, wills, and funeral wishes. This example highlights the importance and difficulty of breaking societal taboos to create a healthier relationship with mortality.

6. The 'Disneyfication' of death

   Doughty uses the example of how media and industry sanitize or mystify death (comparing it to sanitized fairy tales), distancing the public from its realities. She calls for more honest, less sanitized discussion and exposure to death, arguing this will result in healthier outlooks on life and dying.

7. Learning new rituals

   After witnessing families perform personal or cultural rituals for their deceased loved ones, Doughty reflects on how such participation creates a sense of closure. She suggests incorporating meaningful rituals into death care, even when they clash with the standard offerings of the funeral industry.