The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever by Michael Bungay Stanier

Summary

'The Coaching Habit' by Michael Bungay Stanier provides a concise, actionable guide to becoming a better leader by fostering a coaching mindset. The book distills coaching into seven essential questions, helping managers and leaders drive engagement and growth in their teams by listening more and telling less. Stanier emphasizes practical techniques for building coaching habits, making it accessible for busy professionals. The straightforward approach and relatable scenarios make it easy to implement these strategies in everyday work settings.

Life-Changing Lessons

1. Ask more, tell less: True coaching begins with curiosity, not giving advice – asking the right questions unlocks others' potential.

2. Master The Seven Questions: Using a handful of powerful, open-ended questions—like 'What's on your mind?' and 'And what else?'—sparks deeper conversations and better problem solving.

3. Develop new habits: Sustainable leadership change happens by cultivating simple habits, practiced consistently, rather than chasing complex management theories.

Publishing year and rating

The book was published in: 2016

AI Rating (from 0 to 100): 87

Practical Examples

1. The Kickstart Question: 'What's on your mind?'

   Stanier suggests starting conversations with this open question to get straight to the matter that’s most important for your colleague. It invites openness and sets the tone for a meaningful discussion rather than superficial small talk. By using this question, managers can quickly identify core issues and focus the conversation productively.

2. The AWE Question: 'And what else?'

   This question encourages deeper thinking and draws out more information from the person being coached. Instead of jumping in with a solution or moving on too quickly, repeating ‘And what else?’ helps uncover additional insights and perspectives. It’s a way to ensure that all important aspects are brought to the surface before taking action.

3. The Focus Question: 'What's the real challenge here for you?'

   This question shifts the conversation from general problems to the personal challenges the other person faces. It helps clarify responsibility and brings forth the real issues that might be hidden beneath surface complaints. By personalizing the problem, it makes the conversation more actionable and impactful.

4. Avoiding the Advice Monster

   Stanier urges managers to resist the urge to immediately offer solutions. Instead, leaders should practice staying curious a little longer and ask more questions. This shift transforms conversations from top-down directives to empowering exchanges that foster growth in others.

5. The Lazy Question: 'How can I help?'

   Rather than presuming what others need, this question encourages people to articulate their needs themselves. It prevents overcommitting as a manager and ensures help provided is aligned with actual needs. It also empowers the other person to play an active role in solving their own challenges.

6. Building New Habits with Triggers

   Stanier recommends using simple cues to create new habits around coaching questions. For example, whenever you enter a meeting, commit to asking at least one of the seven questions. By connecting the habit to specific moments, it increases the likelihood of consistent practice.

7. Staying Curious Amidst Pressure

   He illustrates with scenarios in which curiosity led to new solutions and greater buy-in from employees.

8. Purposeful Ending: The Learning Question

   Concluding conversations with 'What was most useful for you?' helps solidify learning and reflection. This question makes people consciously recognize their gains and strengthens the coaching impact. It encourages continuous improvement after each coaching interaction.