The Confidence Gap by Russ Harris

Summary

The Confidence Gap by Russ Harris explores how authentic confidence is built through action—rather than relying on feelings of confidence. Drawing on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Harris shows readers how to overcome self-doubt and fear by focusing on values-based living and small, consistent steps. The book is filled with practical strategies and exercises to help you confront limiting beliefs, embrace discomfort, and develop lasting confidence. Harris emphasizes that confidence is not innate but cultivated through deliberate practice over time.

Life-Changing Lessons

1. True confidence is not a feeling but a behavior; it emerges from taking action despite uncertainty.

2. Embracing discomfort and accepting negative thoughts is key; resisting or avoiding them only increases anxiety.

3. Living according to personal values is essential to building genuine self-confidence and purpose.

Publishing year and rating

The book was published in: 2011

AI Rating (from 0 to 100): 87

Practical Examples

1. Defusion Techniques

   Harris explains how to 'defuse' from unhelpful thoughts—such as 'I'm not good enough'—by observing them without getting hooked. Instead of fighting these thoughts, he encourages using mindfulness to notice and label them, which reduces their power over you. For example, saying to yourself, 'I’m noticing the thought that I’m not good enough,' helps to create space between you and the thought.

2. Taking Values-Based Action

   The book shows the importance of identifying your core values and then taking small steps in line with them—even when confidence is lacking. Harris emphasizes that action leads to growth, not perfection, and that each small step builds your confidence muscles. He offers exercises for clarifying values and planning concrete, manageable actions.

3. Acceptance of Anxiety

   Harris illustrates that anxiety is a normal part of pursuing anything meaningful. Instead of trying to eliminate anxiety, readers are taught to accept its presence and move forward anyway. The book gives tools, such as breathing exercises and mindfulness practices, to work with anxiety compassionately.

4. Commitment to Practice

   A key point is the necessity of ongoing practice, not quick fixes. Harris provides examples of how athletes or performers build confidence through repeated exposure and effort. This lesson translates into everyday life as persistent, values-guided action, no matter the initial hesitation.

5. Using the 'Tombstone Test'

   Harris introduces the 'Tombstone Test'—asking what you’d like to have written on your tombstone to clarify core values. This exercise helps you align daily actions with what truly matters, making difficult or intimidating tasks more meaningful and motivating.

6. Mindfulness Exercises

   Throughout the book, Harris incorporates simple mindfulness practices to anchor oneself in the present moment. These exercises help reduce stress and increase awareness of unhelpful thought patterns, empowering readers to act intentionally rather than reactively.

7. Reframing Failure

   The Confidence Gap reframes failure as feedback rather than a personal flaw. Harris encourages readers to analyze setbacks with curiosity and compassion, extracting lessons while building psychological flexibility. He shares stories of individuals who succeeded after repeated failures, spotlighting persistence as a source of confidence.