The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga

Summary

'The Courage to Be Disliked' distills ideas from Alfred Adler's Individual Psychology through a Socratic dialogue between a philosopher and a young man. The book challenges conventional notions of happiness, trauma, and interpersonal relationships, urging readers to take charge of their lives by changing their thinking patterns. Through simple yet profound conversations, the text explores how much of our suffering is self-generated, and how relinquishing the desire for recognition and approval can bring freedom. Ultimately, it’s a call to bravely live authentically, making choices based on your own values rather than societal expectations.

Life-Changing Lessons

1. Your past does not determine your future; personal change is always possible by altering present goals and interpretations.

2. Interpersonal relationships are the key source of happiness and suffering; we must focus on 'separating tasks' and not interfere with others' lives unnecessarily.

3. True freedom comes by relinquishing the desire for approval from others and having the courage to be disliked.

Publishing year and rating

The book was published in: 2013

AI Rating (from 0 to 100): 88

Practical Examples

1. Separating Tasks

   The book encourages readers to focus on their own responsibilities rather than intervening in the tasks of others. For example, parents should recognize that while they can support their children, the decision to study or not ultimately belongs to the child. This separation fosters healthier relationships and personal growth.

2. Living Without Seeking Approval

   A central anecdote follows a young man distressed by others’ opinions. The philosopher advises him to live according to his own convictions instead of being trapped by expectations and fear of criticism. Practicing this attitude leads to personal liberation and authentic living.

3. Interpreting Trauma

   Contrary to Freudian thought, the philosopher asserts that people are not determined by past trauma but by the meanings they assign to those experiences. A practical example is rethinking self-imposed limitations—such as social anxiety—by seeking new interpretations of past events.

4. Contribution to Community

   The book emphasizes that happiness comes from feeling useful and contributing to others. For instance, even small acts like greeting someone warmly or helping a coworker can give life deep meaning and satisfaction, shifting focus from self to community.

5. Taking Responsibility for Your Life

   One story features a person blaming external factors for unhappiness, but the philosopher challenges this view by stressing that we are authors of our own lives. By accepting responsibility and choosing proactive steps, people can reshape their circumstances.