Women Don’t Ask: Negotiation and the Gender Divide by Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever

Summary

"Women Don’t Ask: Negotiation and the Gender Divide" explores why women are often less likely to negotiate for what they want, particularly in professional contexts. The authors, Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever, uncover the societal, psychological, and cultural factors that discourage women from negotiating and demonstrate the tangible consequences this has on women's careers and lives. Through research, personal stories, and practical advice, the book advocates for shifting both mindset and strategy to empower women to ask for more and close the gender gap. It offers actionable tools for women and guidance for organizations seeking to create more equitable environments.

Life-Changing Lessons

1. Recognizing that negotiation is a learned skill, not an inherent trait, empowers women to actively pursue what they deserve.

2. Societal expectations and gender roles subconsciously discourage women from negotiating, but awareness can help challenge and redefine these norms.

3. The willingness to ask for what you want – whether it's more pay, better assignments, or flexible work – is essential for personal and professional growth.

Publishing year and rating

The book was published in: 2003

AI Rating (from 0 to 100): 92

Practical Examples

1. Salary Negotiation Gap

   The book cites research showing that men are four times more likely than women to negotiate their first salary. One story follows a pair of MBA graduates, one male and one female, where the woman accepted the initial offer while the man negotiated for more, resulting in a significant pay disparity over time. This serves as a recurring example demonstrating the compounding impact of not negotiating.

2. Cultural Conditioning

   A study discussed in the book reveals that women are socially punished for being assertive in negotiations, leading to a pattern where women avoid asking due to fear of negative judgement. The authors illustrate this with stories of women who expressed that they felt 'pushy' or 'greedy' just for trying to advocate for themselves at work and at home.

3. Negotiation Outside the Workplace

   The authors detail how the negotiation gap is not limited to the workplace. For example, a woman negotiating a car purchase or home repair services often receives less favorable deals than her male counterparts. The book shares practical tips and anecdotes about women who successfully broke this pattern by preparing thoroughly and being persistent.

4. Organizational Change

   Babcock and Laschever don't just focus on individuals—they also present examples of companies revising their HR policies to encourage negotiation. In one case, a tech firm introduced salary negotiation workshops for all employees after discovering gender disparities, leading to greater overall satisfaction and smaller pay gaps.

5. Opportunity Cost Calculation

   An example in the book describes two equally skilled employees, but because one negotiated each new job offer and the other did not, their lifetime earnings differed by hundreds of thousands of dollars. The authors break down the math to illustrate how seemingly small negotiation decisions have life-long consequences.

6. Fear of Backlash

   The authors recount the story of a woman who tried to negotiate a promotion and faced unexpected resistance, both from management and colleagues. Despite her qualifications, she was labeled 'difficult.' However, she persevered and ultimately gained respect, demonstrating how persistence and resilience are critical in overcoming cultural pushback.